I am so tired of this lie -- that a woman's shaven vulva looks like a child's.

Time and time again you hear this from people who don't like to shave -- that the modern craze for pubic grooming is some deep-seated, pedophilic lust for children because it makes the area look identical to a child's.

This is just plain wrong.

Now I don't think anyone should feel forced to shave -- my own pubic region stays unshaven and usually, at least, untrimmed, which is also becoming rarer in men as it is in women. I have yet to hear complaints from a partner. I might consider it if I did. I think everyone should make this choice for themselves, based on -- polite! -- input from their lovers. I have been with women who shaved, as well as women who were hairy, just as I have been with women who did or did not shave other parts of their bodies such as their legs and armpits. None of the options are disgusting, all are erotic in their own way. A shaven cunt is pleasurable, just as is an unshaven one, even if the sensations are a little different.

But anyone who says a grown woman's balded private parts look like a kids has not been around children, nor actually studied an adult woman's body. The region changes during puberty in ways additional to the growth of hair, ways which are visible to those who care.

Anyway, tired of it.

Welcome back to my continued celebration of I'll Never Be A Father's Day! For those of you just joining us, I am reflecting on (and recuperating from) my recent (Friday) vasectomy. I seem to be healing at about a normal rate and hope to be back to 100% in time for Decomp!

When I tell people about getting a vasectomy, I get a lot of reactions. From some who hope to be sterilized themselves, I get strong support (mixed with friendly envy from many women who feel this way, but hate how much harder it is for them to get it done). Some men I tell wince and cross their legs protectively. A few are curious as to whether it is hard for someone under 30 to get one (it wasn't). But the most common reacton is wanting to know why I decided to do it. Something this important is not a simple decision, and there are actually lots of reasons I had this done.

1) Children/childfree -- well, I consider myself 'childfree' in the sense that I don't wish to father children, but not in the sense that their very presence drives me into fits of disgust as it does with many of my more militant friends. My attitude towards them has softened a lot over the years, and these days I can stand to be around the better behaved amongst them and even enjoy their company at times for short periods of time. I can even envision myself acting in a sort of uncle or godparent type role someday, a friendly nonparental adult who comes by to visit. The important thing is I can't be responsible for children, longer than a short time anyway. I need to be able to put them back with the adult they belong too and go back to my nice, normal, childless life where I have other things to do. I want to write novels and poetry, not raise children. If someday I end up in a poly commune full of other people's kids, awesome, as long as I have my own childfree space to retreat too.

And I kind of feel like there's enough gasoline addicted Americans already on the planet, but this won't stop me from being supportive of friends who choose to breed.

2) Genetics -- I am smart and I know my genes contribute to that. But also, depression runs in my family and quite possibly a propensity for Fibromyalgia (there is certainly reason to suspect it could be genetic). If I change my mind and decide I want to directly be a father, I know from my experience with my adopted sister that adoption is no less meaningful than making kids the old fashioned way, contrary to what so many people (to my disgust sometimes) seem to insist. Again, there are many ways to be part of a child's life without fathering them -- biologically or otherwise and these appeal to me far more.

3) Control -- I discuss my wishes with all my lovers. Everyone I have sex with knows that if something happens I don't want to be a father. But in the end, I can't control what happens in the event of just such an accident. It is their body, and they choose what to do with it and the fetus forming inside. I wouldn't have it any other way -- but while a woman can absolve herself of responsibility for a fetus by getting an abortion, or carrying it to term and putting the resulting sprog up for adoption, a man has no choice in the matter but to accept, at the least, financial responsibility. While I trust and respect my lovers' and trust them to respect my wishes in the manner, this does relieve a certain amount of anxiety by forever closing that unhappy possibility.

4) Politics -- This is more of a reason to have it now, rather than wait. I have been sure about getting a vasectomy done for a number of years, but what I am less sure about is the continued easy availability of surgery like this in the current unpleasant political climate towards sexual freedom. Maybe it's paranoid, but given that the New York Times is covering the "war on contraception" and the gov't tried to block a vaccine that could all but eliminate cervical cancer because it might encourage sexual behavior, I have little faith in the continued availability of many current options, much less the futuristic forms of male birth control we've been promised "on the horizon" ever since I can remember. I am relieved to have this done and soon never have to think about birth control again (safer sex of course is another matter!).

5) Sex appeal -- ok this is the silly one, but I know a number of women who find sterility downright hot. Obviously this would be a poor reason to get a vasectomy without the others', but hey since it's true I'm going to enjoy it. See the subject line for my new pickup line of choice.

I guess that about sums it up, from most to least important. I'm happy to entertain questions about the surgery or my reasons for doing it in comments or private email (you can always reach my by my livejournal address) or by IM -- see my profile.

I respect those of you who have made the choice to be father's. I am glad to be here, thanks to my father. But right now I am celebrating I'll Never Be A Father's Day! So Cheers, everyone! Happy celebrating, whichever you choose. Raise a glass or a smoke to the deliberately sterile, won't you?

More new friends:

Red Anubis

Found her via the NGE LJ.

Windowgirl

Found her because she's a fellow fan of Charles de Lint and she seems to be living in "interesting times."

Apparently, in LJ, as in life, my friends and the people I am
interested in hearing about are mostly (though not all) women. Its
always been that way with me, I couldn't say why.